Yesterday morning I broke down and cried. So many little things felt like they piled on top of me.
Here’s the background. My mom was coming home after being away and I had had no time to clean things up. I know that she likes a clean house and after all the stress she had I wanted to do something for her. My sister had friends over a day before and made food but things weren’t cleaned up yet. She left me a note that I won’t get into. Suffice it to say, it dealt with a lot of misunderstandings and a pesky toilet paper roll that hadn’t been recycled.
Now, take those things on their own. None of them is worth a break down. I found myself crying though after I hung up from talking to my mom and apologizing for not having things cleaned up. For some reason her response upset me. I hate to use a cliche but that feeling was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Then I realized that I left my lunch at home. I logged in, put some stuff away and then went into the bathroom. I pulled the blue plastic chair in front of the full length mirror and stared at myself while I cried. In a whisper I prayed and expressed to God my frustration about always being so tired, always feeling guilty if I do anything else when I think I should be working. Even as I sat there my thoughts battled in my head. I knew I had to get my head together and think positively so I could teach well. At the same time I felt guilty for wasting valuable time and I hated myself for it.
I called my mom again after that. I wanted to speak to her in person instead of leaving another message. She has such words of wisdom. As we talked I don’t even remember what she said. I felt myself calming down. I thank God for her wisdom.
As I look back on the day as a whole I realize that my mindset going into the day did affect how I treated my first two periods. I wasn’t as positive as I could have been. I don’t think that I had as much patience as I should have and those students reached my limit pretty quickly.
I thank God for times like this even though they aren’t always positive. I think that I cannot learn unless I stumble. God helps me learn from my mistakes. He helps me take steps forward even if I trip in the process.