I arrived at school knowing that later that day I might get back my scores that would determine a lot with work. I prepared myself a little too much for failing. After all, that was my previous experience, three times. I was almost hoping for failure.
The first thing I read was an evaluation for ADEPT from the head of the foreign language department. She and I have vastly different philosophies of how to teach a foreign language. She believes that students should focus less on grammar and more on performance. She also believes that teachers and students should speak primarily in the target language and if I need to explain more I should speak in Spanish but not translate to English. I should instead use visual clue or something else to convey my meaning. Keep in mind that I teach middle schoolers, many of whom speak absolutely no Spanish. That’s beside the point.
I always want to do my best and even though we disagree I still want to succeed. Then I logged on to ets to check if my scores were there yet. They were. I needed a 168 to pass at minimum. I scored a 168. I honestly couldn’t tell you how I felt at that moment. I’m relieved mainly for the financial side of it. I’m happy that after three failed attempts I finally passed. I know that my family is relieved as well. I prepared myself too much to fail though and got into all kinds of fantasies in my head about what I would do next semester when I wouldn’t be teaching.
Now I am going to take the next few days, Thanksgiving Break included, to get my head back on straight and figure out how to get this done.